And So It Begins.

I get super gay for Big Brother every summer. Get over it. My dad did, so I'm sure you can too.
Tonight was the first episode of season 10. As much as I love the show I can't believe this shit has been on the air for 10 seasons. I guess when the only other thing on the network is 14 different CSI's you have to spice things up a little bit.
Anyway I hate 3/4 of these people already, and here's my first impression of them.

April- She is blonde with huge boobs. What's not to like? Other than the fact that she has OCD to the tenth degree, and her eyes kind of freak me out, I'd stick it in her without hesitation. She seems nice enough and will most likely make it far.

Jerry- Jerry is so badass it's unbelievable. Dude is 75 years old and was grabbing tit within the first hour in the house. He's a former Marine so you know he can fuck shit up with his bare hands. God willing he isn't the first death on live TV, he'll probably make it to at least the final three.

Dan- Seems like kind of a douche. He's that "cool guy" teacher that we all had at one point or another in high school, that ends up banging a 14 year old in the back of his Sunfire and gets fired for improper conduct. He also claims to be really religious, which I'm sure already makes him a giant hypocrite.

Libra- We're going interracial! She has new born twins and guess what color they are? If you guessed one was black and one was white then you must live in Liberal America where that shit is commonplace. She's clearly black however, leaving her four month old babies at home so she can go on TV. I already know I'm not going to like her, just for the fact that she has a stripper name.

Renny- She's that mom that would always come to her kids parties, a wine bottle and a half deep, and think it's perfectly acceptable to be one of the gang (I'm looking at you Ruth). Her insane "Nawlens" accent pisses me off incredibly. And her "wacky" style makes her look like a clown. I hope she goes home within the first 2 weeks, but knowing big brother the most annoying people stay to the bitter, bitter end.

Ollie- Son of a preacher man. Other than the fact that he's crazy religious (he's never drank or smoked or ever had a girlfriend) Ollie is probably going to make it far in the game, as long as he leaves his Jesus bullshit at the door. He's definitely going to have a night where he gets completed smashed off a wine cooler, has an orgy with half the women, and punches out Jerry.

Steven- Gay Rodeo Cowboy. Do I really have to put anything else?

Brian- He sells cell phones but tried to cleverly disguise it by using a lot of big words. Like petroleum transportation engineer. Or Sandwich Artist. He seems way too sure of himself, and if Big Brother has taught us anything it's that either A. He's going to get himself in trouble by running his mouth. Or B. He's going to stay in the game and annoy the shit out of me for weeks on end with his constant self congratulation. We'll see how this one unfolds.

Memphis- His real name is Robert, he's not from Tennessee and he's not a bartender he's a "mixologist". If that doesn't scream douche than I don't know what does. I hope they fly banners over the house like in previous seasons, and the plane crashes directly on him.

Angie- Now let me throw this out here. I'm not into Asian chicks at all. I'm almost anti Asian chicks for the most part. There are exceptions however. Angie is way hot. And I'm pretty sure she's only like 3/4 Asian anyway. Her dad was probably a G.I. I hope she sticks around all summer, as to provide me with spank bank material.

Keesha- She's that chick who is average looking but throws a bottle of peroxide in her hair, adds extensions and fake eyelashes and too much makeup and thinks she's fooling everyone. She's a Hooters waitress which is a very noble profession, but her voice is god damn annoying. And anyone white person with the name Keesha most likely grew up in a trailer or a broken home. If she makes it past week 5 I'll be surprised.

Jessie- I'll call him Roid for short because dude is jacked. He could literally crush everyone in the house with his bare hands if he so chose. He seems like a real bitch though and is probably going to get on everyones bad side within a matter of days. He's totally that kid who had little to no friends in high school because he's socially retarded so he turned to lifting weights( I'm looking at you Kwis Perwinki) His only hope of winning is if he "accidentally" pulls down one of the structures used for competitions and kills everyone simultaneously.

Michelle- We all know that one person who is so obsessed with the fact that they have some kind of strong cultural background, that they feel the need to bring it up in every other sentence (John). The first words out of this bitches mouth were "Hi I'm Michelle. Blah blah blah, PORTUGUESE!" Yeah, we get it. Your parents/grandparents/second cousins were born in another country. We'd probably all have been better off if they would have stayed there.

And so begins another summer of Big Brother. I'm probably going to post my gripes about these assholes on here 3 times a week so get used to it.

(Originally posted July 14. I was posting these on another blog, so the dates are going to be wonky for the first few posts)