Suck It Bitches

I'm really behind with my shit here. I got lazy, and for whatever reason I'm not that into this season, as compared to the others. Even last season I couldn't wait to see what idiot said what idiotic thing. But I'm just not as compelled this season. Maybe because every episode has focused on all the people that I hate. And the fact that the people I do like either aren't playing the game enough, or sit outside in their bikini and smoke all day. I still keep up via feed updates on various sites, but the shows themselves have lost a lot of luster. Anyway here's my thoughts on the eviction show.

-Keesha sounds like Fran Dresher without the New York accent. I would probably smother her in her sleep if I had to put up with that day in and day out.

-The hens keep talking about getting rid of the floaters. Why? It's so early in the game. Recruit the floaters and use them to your advantage. Idiots.

-Ollie and April are absolutely useless, and bring nothing to the game. The only thing they are good for is a vote in whichever way Libra is leaning. They're like parrots. They just repeat back what Libra says to them. Actually that's just April. Ollie just follows April around and gives her the goods at night.

-The whole "friends with Brian" argument gets more and more ludicrous every week. He's been gone for 2 fucking weeks. Get over it. Is he somehow pulling the strings of Angie/Dan/Steven from outside the house? Clearly his ghost must haunt the house because those assholes just won't let it die. Why is everyone so mad at Brian anyway? He played way too hard, and thought he ran the shit from day one, but he didn't target ANY of the hens. He went after Jesse and Renny because that was the easiest option for everybody. Shouldn't they be the ones looking for some kind of retribution, for what reason I don't know because in the end neither got evicted and they rid the house of Brian, but at least that would make a tiny bit of sense.

-I can't believe the hens didn't take Steven's offer to join with them. Granted you can never trust anyone in the house and he could have easily turned on them the first chance he got, but that's part of the game. I don't see why they wouldn't take a chance and add a strong player to their team and get rid of one of the floaters they so desperately wanted out. Steven's arguments made nothing but good sense, and still they talked bad about him. Unreal.

-I love Libra's constant thought process, in where anybody hanging out with anybody is automatically in an alliance and they are gunning solely for Libra and her cronies. Why a supposed 6 or 7 or whatever person alliance is so scared of a 2 person alliance is well beyond my comprehension. And the fact that there is nothing wrong with Ollie and April hanging off each other 24/7, yet anybody being friends with anybody else is some kind of death wish at the hands of Libra is really hilarious.

-I also loved when Kessha told her alliance "They're turning us against each other". Did I miss something? As far as I've seen and or read, no one has conspired that hard against you. Steven and Jesse rallied hard for Libra to be nominated last week, but that's about it. Kessha was the one complaining day and night about how much of a puppet master Libra is and how much she stirs the pot. The hens are the ones who lock themselves in their bedroom and bitch and complain about everyone, because they think that obviously the entire house is out to get them. They've gotten so far into their own heads they've become incredibly dillusional. Actually Libra was already well past that point before she ever stepped foot into the house.

-Keesha had another genius quote when she said "Dan is going to come after us." Well no fucking shit. 1. You guys are in a big, and mind bogglingly powerful alliance. So of course people are going to want to break that shit up. And 2. It's a game where the object is to nominate and evict a house guest every week until there is only one person left. Well two people and then the house votes, but you know what I mean. Dan is going to eventually have to either nominate someone from your alliance or vote against someone from your alliance, otherwise the game doesn't work. Common sense here people.

-My memory is a little fuzzy sometimes, but when did Big Brother turn into survivor? It seems like now it's mandatory for something to divide the house into two groups, and thou shalt not cross that divide line without persecution. Remember the old days when everyone was free to be friends with everyone else. And people had 5 different deals with 5 different people at any given time? When house guests could use a different strategy and align themselves with different people depending on what was going on in the game at that moment. When the house is divided into two large groups it makes for boring game play, because everything becomes painfully obvious, and it's a terrible strategy. The game changes day to day, and if you are stuck in one alliance, and you can't adapt, then you're never going to win.

-Ollie looked really nervous when Julie was asking questions about him and April, because you know dude feels guilty for fucking inside the house. But I think everyone should give that motherfucker some slack. I read all this shit about "Oh your parents must be so dissapointed" oh blah blah blah supposed good christian, blah blah blah. For one thing, dude is a 27 year old man who has never gotten his dick wet. As if anybody out there, put in his same position would be like, no April, you're hot but I don't want to bang you right here on the floor of the spa. Give me a break. And everyone is acting like they fucked on the living room couches in the middle of the day, while the house watched. They are in an unnatural situation and they worked with what they had. They were completely covered. You couldn't see anything. You couldn't really hear anything, other than the fact that April wanted the baby batter on her stomach because she doesn't want to get preggers. So give them a break. People like to fuck. I know, it's such an alarming concept. Hide your children from these incredibly sinful people. Get over it.

-Steven seems like a funny motherfucker. I didn't get any of his inside jokes in his speech before the votes, but the house sure seemed to like it. Why is it Libra's mission to get rid of all the fun people in the house? Does she feel like she should be the funny one? And she's trying to claim her territory? Is she one of those people that you can't have fun around unless she's a direct part of it? Whatever the case may be it seems like they're slowly crushing any soul the house had, and making it look to be a boring ass summer for everyone else in the house.

-Jesse's goodbye message to Steven was everything I could have hoped for. It's too bad they edit those things down to a couple of seconds, because you know that asshole went on for like 5 minutes talking about how awesome his muscles are, and how big of an inspiration he is to people out there like Steven. Nothing is impossible! He makes his case about being more than just a giant lump of muscle stronger everyday by constantly talking about how hella big he is. Bravo Jesse. You're a hero to many. Reach for the stars!

-10 seasons in and Julie still has the same sterile delivery of her lines. You'd think by now she'd act a little more natural, and not sound like she is reading word for word off a teleprompter. Time for a fresh new host? Actually we'd probably end up with some douchebag that thinks he's Ryan Seacrest or something. Or even worse, get stuck with Diane or Natalie or someone in the upper echelon of annoying. I don't watch housecalls but I'm sure Gretchen would be a fine host. But I guess I can live with Julie for now. As long as I only have to see her once a week.

I'll be back later with my rants and raves about tonights episode, which will no doubt be the Jesse show. I'm buzzing with excitement....